2000.13.1.02 Some Thoughts On Divorce By Church Leaders And Divorce In General How Christian Marriages Can Be Healed Created by James3 on 7/4/2019 6:51:23 PM Some Thoughts On Divorce By Church Leaders And Divorce In General How Christian Marriages Can Be Healed
To all who call themselves by the name of Christ and truly seek to serve Him with all their hearts, all their souls, all their minds and all their strength.
Greetings in the Name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth,
In response to recent developments regarding divorce in church leadership, the question arises, will The Lord permit such divorces and what does His Word say concerning such issues? This document seeks to provide a preliminary understanding of some scriptures which are of critical import but which are not generally acknowledged in the church today. While written primarily in the context of divorce amongst church leaders it does address further issues which may apply in the case of divorce from a person who has not been fully serving The Lord in a leadership position. James 3:1 states: "My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment." (NKJ)
Matthew 5:32 in the King James Version states "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (KJV) and Matthew 19:9 states "And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." (KJV)
In-depth analysis of the word translated "fornication" reveals that the Greek word is "porneia" which relates to sexual immorality and spiritual fornication and idolatry which can give rise to persistent betrayal of a spouse. This is analyzed in considerable detail in the book "The Scriptural Definition of Marriage" which clearly demonstrates from scripture that The Lord created marriage TO WORK!
Note that Deuteronomy 24:1, referred to in the passages of Matthew above, states "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favour in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, (NKJ). The Hebrew word translated "uncleanness" carries the same meaning of sexual or spiritual unfaithfulness or treachery as "porneia".
Based on generally stated reasons for divorce, the vast majority of divorces within the Christian church are NOT for porneia and are therefore "putting away" and NOT divorce in the sight of God! Malachi 2:16 states: "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously." (KJV)
Revelation 21:8 clearly states: "But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral [Gr pornos] , sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death." (NKJ) 1 Corinthians 6:9 states: "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators [Gr pornos], nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, (NKJ). Accordingly, the only person who a believer can legitimately divorce is a person who has turned their back on God and taken a road where they are irreversibly destined for eternal damnation.
In such a case, Hebrews 6:4-8 applies:
4 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit,
5 and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come,
6 if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame.
7 For the earth which drinks in the rain that often comes upon it, and bears herbs useful for those by whom it is cultivated, receives blessing from God;
8 but if it bears thorns and briars, it is rejected and near to being cursed, whose end is to be burned. (NKJ)
In the case of those who are not church leaders grounds for divorce can include the husband being a homosexual or effeminate as well as either partner being a fornicator, adulterer, etc. Grounds for divorce can also relate to the spouse being a Satanist, witch, warlock, druid, enchanter, medium, etc (such people DO exist in this age but not in accordance with the pictures in children's story books). Exodus 21:10-11 provides for a woman who was married as a bond servant to leave her husband if he takes another wife and reduces the food, clothing and marital privileges of the first wife: "If he takes another wife, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights. "And if he does not do these three for her, then she shall go out free, without paying money. (NKJ). Heavy demonisation with demonic manifestations may also constitute a basis for The Lord to permit divorce. All of these relate to porneia, either sexual fornication or spiritual fornication.
1 Corinthians 7:15 states with regard to marriage of a person who becomes born again to a spouse who does not become born again: "But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace." (NKJ). This is NOT a case of the believer leaving but of the unbeliever. In such cases the believer is "not under bondage". If a believer knowingly marries an unbeliever that is sin and the books of Ezra and Nehemiah give very clear instructions concerning repentance and putting away of pagan wives. It seems that in certain circumstances The Lord will permit the divorce of a believing woman who has married a pagan husband, again subject to true repentance for her sin.
In cases where the "wife" was not a virgin at the time of "marriage" she may actually never have been married in the sight of The Lord to the man she has called husband. Although they have a "marriage certificate" and were married in church by a pastor they may be living in adultery. In such cases The Lord may end the marriage for no apparent reason in order to deliver both parties from unrecognized sin. In extreme cases The Lord may even restore the woman to the man who took her virginity and who is her true husband. In some cases The Lord may end a marriage for the sake of the children.
Insofar as born again Christians are concerned, the critical test is whether The Lord will permit the divorce. In our experience in observing a number of divorces which The Lord has permitted, in each case the believing, faithful, spouse has gone to great lengths in counselling, prayer and fasting, seeking God, etc to save the marriage BEFORE The Lord has permitted them to divorce. In most cases the person concerned has been OPPOSED TO DIVORCE and believed they cannot divorce and MUST make the marriage work until one day The Lord has suddenly opened the door and taken them out of the marriage. This is the only reliable basis on which a believing Christian can consider divorce, IF The Lord expressly sanctions it.
Over and above whether The Lord has permitted the termination of the marriage relationship, there is a separate issue as to whether he will permit a divorced woman to remarry. It seems that in some cases The Lord will separate a couple for a season and that what we regard as divorce may in fact be separation. In other cases it seems that The Lord will take a person out to spare them further suffering but will not necessarily permit remarriage.
Recognizing that our God is a God of compassion and great mercy it is vital that every situation is addressed individually by prayer and supplication AND that third parties recognize that their sole responsibility in such situations is to provide counsel NOT judgment. At the end of the day, the believing spouse must take a decision as to whether The Lord is permitting the divorce, understanding the eternal consequences of a wrong decision, and then act on that decision.
There is a widespread belief that Deuteronomy 24:1 defines divorce for sexual immorality. However, consider that Leviticus 20:10 clearly states that such people must be put to death : 'The man who commits adultery with another man's wife, he who commits adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress, shall surely be put to death. (NKJ). Thus, under the Mosaic covenant, death was the penalty for sexual immorality and therefore, by extension, divorce was the penalty for spiritual fornication and betrayal.
In Matthew 5 and Matthew 19, quoted above, Jesus was therefore simply confirming what the Word of God said and, if we will apply a doctrine of Grace under the New Covenant, he was laying a foundation for divorce instead of the physical death penalty in the event of sexual immorality. However, in applying this doctrine of Grace it is necessary to recognize that divorce only applies when Hebrews 6:4-8 ALSO applies. The offender is unrepentant to the extent of turning their back on Jesus.
1 Peter 2:11-4:19 cited in full in the appendix contains some challenging verses:
11 Beloved, ...
...
13 Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, whether to the king as supreme,
...
18 Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh.
19 For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully.
20 For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.
21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps:
22 "Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth";
23 who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously;
24 who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness-- by whose stripes you were healed.
25 For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
CHAPTER 3
1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,
2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward-- arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel--
4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,
6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
...
9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.
...
14 But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you are blessed. "And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled."
...
17 For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.
...
CHAPTER 4
1 Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin,
2 that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God.
...
12 Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you;
13 but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.
14 If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. On their part He is blasphemed, but on your part He is glorified.
15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busybody in other people's matters.
16 Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter.
17 For the time has come for judgment to begin at the house of God; and if it begins with us first, what will be the end of those who do not obey the gospel of God?
18 Now "If the righteous one is scarcely saved, where will the ungodly and the sinner appear?"
19 Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator. (NKJ)
This entire passage clearly shows that physical persecution is no grounds to flee, rather that we should welcome such persecution for Christ's sake. Accordingly, a woman married to an ungodly man who beats her, particularly because of her faith but not necessarily because of her faith, does not, on the basis of these scriptures, have grounds to flee her marriage! Rather she should count it "all joy" (verse 4:13 above, James 1:2). This is an extremely difficult passage in terms of our current view of things but it is one not to be ignored, particularly since it ends by stating that "judgment will begin in the house of the Lord". This must open the door for a discussion as to why persecution and affliction are coming in a persons life, a question to which there are many answers which can be acted on to bring an end to the affliction in a scriptural way by the leading of the Holy Spirit. But this is another discussion.
At the same time, there are numerous cases in the current age where The Lord HAS permitted divorces to women who have been seriously afflicted in their marriages BUT apparently only once there is no further hope of the husband coming to salvation or of turning away from evil and destruction if he was once a believer. The same applies to physical or, more commonly, psychological abuse of the husband by the wife.
All too often "love has died" is given as a reason for divorce. However, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 states:
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. (NKJ)
"Love never fails"! Love CANNOT DIE. It can only be murdered by persistent porneia. Therefore, if true porneia has not been committed, the marriage CAN be restored because love CANNOT be dead. The challenge is to find the key to reveal the love that may have been hidden.
In the event of a Christian spouse committing porneia the actions to be taken by the aggrieved spouse should follow the steps set out in Matthew 18:11-17:
11 "For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost.
12 "What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine and go to the mountains to seek the one that is straying?
13 "And if he should find it, assuredly, I say to you, he rejoices more over that sheep than over the ninety-nine that did not go astray.
14 "Even so it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.
15 "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.
16 "But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.'
17 "And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. (NKJ)
a. The party against whom porneia has been committed goes to the party who has committee porneia against them PRIVATELY and explicitly raises the sin AND it's scriptural basis.
b. If this is rejected, take two or three others as witnesses.
c. If this is rejected "tell it to the church", that is the WHOLE congregation of believers where those people fellowship, not just a meeting of a select few behind closed doors.
d. Treat the person as a tax collector. That is courteous but distant.
The key issue is that CONCISE AND ACCURATE scriptural charges must be brought cooly and without emotion out of agape / hesed (covenant) love based concern for the guilty party. They must clearly be told that if they do not repent they face eternal damnation. This is not being harsh, it is simply telling them the truth. The reason to bring them before the entire congregation is NOT to humiliate them, it is to afford them one last opportunity to experience the love of God from as many people as possible who are resolved that the will and word of God are applied in the situation but do not desire to see the person perish.
At all times there must be quietness and gentleness. It is terrible for a man or woman to see the spouse they love turn their back on God and turn to go to eternal damnation.
Note that a woman is under her husband's covering and if he does not follow due process he may carry responsibility for her destruction on the day of judgment.
Where the spouse is an unbeliever or an active servant of Satan such an approach may not be required. Only fervent prayer for guidance and for doors to be opened and closed by The Lord will clearly indicate the action to be taken in a particular instance. In such cases The Lord is well able to miraculously deliver anyone who is in bondage in such a marriage and who has reached a point where deliverance IS the will of God. Equally, if someone truly believes with all their heart, mind, soul and strength that The Lord has instructed them to divorce, no other human being is entitle to stand in their way or to judge them. They must simply be made aware of the spiritual consequences of their sin and then given the space to make their own decision before The Lord and take the actions that they believe that HE has ordained.
In the case of church leaders where both spouses have been serving The Lord for decades it is almost inconceivable that within months one could turn away from God to such an extent that divorce is permissible in the sight of God. However, if a couple separate and the wife engages in sexual intercourse with another man, even if she is technically divorced in the sight of man and remarried, porneia will come about very rapidly.
Accordingly, there is almost certainly a period of grace before final judgment although, in cases where the offending spouse has had access to the word of God for many years that period of grace may be short. BUT only The Lord knows the heart.
Equally, we are now in an age of judgement of the church so previous experience does not necessarily apply.
In many cases it can take years before The Lord will permit divorce. Before the point is reached where The Lord permits divorce considerable prayer and supplication, self examination, etc will generally be required before The Lord will decide that divorce is the only way. During this period, it is scriptural for the afflicted person to do EVERYTHING that they can find to do in order to save their marriage. When the point to end the marriage comes The Lord may take a course of action which people do not understand because ONLY HE knows the hearts of the people involved. It is not for us to judge the manner in which a God fearing person ends their marriage.
In dealing with a situation where a man and woman who are both prominent in the church announce an intention to divorce, the following approach would be scripturally appropriate:
In the case where both spouses have been serving The Lord, concise formulation of scriptural charges with respect to porneia is vital, followed by:
a. See other spouse privately and present charges (only those with a scriptural basis).
b. If rejected, take two or three others.
c. If rejected, go before the church council and THEN the entire congregation.
The discussion that follows assumes repentance and a decision to make the marriage work.
If the other spouse has never been a believer the above approach may not be required and The Lord may simply take the person out of the marriage.
In the case of marriages where both spouses are true believers, that is born again, Holy Spirit filled Christians, the spouse against whom porneia has been committed should concurrently with the above, seek to clearly understand the TRUE scriptural basis for healing the marriage. The book "The Scriptural Definition of Marriage", currently in draft, addresses many issues and it's sequel will address many more. Counsel is available from the writer and his wife.
Accept that marriage between believers CANNOT FAIL unless one of them rebels totally and leaves the faith. Because love never fails, therefore the marriage CAN be healed.
a. Accept the scriptural role of woman:
i. Helpmeet - a wife is a vital part of a man's ministry. He cannot accomplish what he is called to do without her full support.
ii. She is one flesh with him. Therefore SHE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT human being on this earth for him (other than Jesus).
iii. If she strives with him it produces "rottenness" in his bones. Proverbs 12:4 states: "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones." (NKJ) This is because she is bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh.
iv. The wife is under her husbands covering. He must accept ultimate responsibility for her behaviour. She must accept his authority. He teaches her, she is NOT responsible for correcting him if he is in error. She may express her concern but Jesus Christ is his head.
v. The wife must submit to her husband.
b. Understand and apply submission:
i. Submission is not an option it is a commandment BUT it is not grovelling or weak. Only a strong woman can submit! In this day, it is an act of Iron will that is resolved to put the Word of God first. Such a woman resolves that her husband is the most important human being on this earth after Jesus in her life. She resolves that he is her head. Therefore, she resolves to do EVERYTHING that is required to bring every thought and every action into subjection that she may walk in perfect harmony with him, seeking always what is best for him. But she must recognise that since she is one flesh with him, what is best for him is best for her. Therefore, it is a small matter for her to call him "Lord".
ii. The wife is her husband's underpinning, his house is built on the foundation of her submission. If she will not submit his house will be divided and WILL fall.
iii. Submission IS agreement. It is a decision by a wife to walk with her husband in agreement at all times. Even if sometimes she does not understand what or why he is doing it or EVEN if she feels it is wrong. It is MORE IMPORTANT for her to walk hand in hand with him down the wrong road, thereby putting herself in a position by her presence at his side, to pray appropriately and to gently question that, if indeed he is in error, he will turn. Alternatively, striving she can push him over the edge. If she truly loves him as The Lord intended she will choose to walk into the wilderness WITH him rather than strive with him.
iv. The only exception to the above would be where sin is absolutely clear cut, such as the husband commanding his wife to have sexual intercourse with another man. In such a case she should no doubt resist, however, the passage in 1 Peter 2 to 4 cited above raises questions even in such cases as to whether such resistance should amount to a refusal to submit. He is the head and HE will carry her sin in such cases! In such a case, scripture requires her to go "silently to the slaughter" if he seeks to destroy her. It is only by her meekness, gentleness, selflessness and submission that she will turn him. NOT by shouting, screaming and anger.
c. Understand the true role of sexual intercourse in marriage.
i. Scripture clearly shows that sexual intercourse with a virgin IS the ACT of marriage (Deuteronomy 22 and other verses, cited in the appendix) AND that this is the act of cutting of the marriage covenant.
ii. Therefore, sex and marriage are indivisible. Woman is told in Genesis 3:16 that her desire SHALL be for her husband. Thus, in the same way as with submission, it is an act of her will to desire her husband AND to give herself to him totally and without holding back in any aspect of her sexuality and capability.
iii. In an earthly sense she is required to worship her husband (Ephesians 5 AMP) with her body. This requires that, as we are required to take the lead in worshipping The Lord she must take the lead in worshipping (making love to) her husband. Recognise that "making love" is the ACT of building love between man and wife. Thus sexual intercourse is a prerequisite for building a Godly marriage. That is why Satan has attacked sex in so many ways and why Satanist's use sex as a powerful bonding tool.
It is interesting to note that scripture gives much more detailed instruction with regard to the role of wives than with regard to the role of husbands. In particular, recognize that all of scripture gives instructions for the conduct of the Body of Christ, His bride, and gives no instruction with regard to the conduct of the Bridegroom who is Jesus Christ. We see that in the same way that our relationship with Jesus and the Father is totally dependent on our conduct, it appears that in a Christian marriage, where BOTH ARE TRUE BELIEVERS, it is primarily the conduct of the wife which will determine the success or failure of the marriage. If the wife is in total submission and gives herself totally to her husband in every way, including sexually, the husband has been created in such a way that he cannot help but respond positively towards his wife. If, on the other hand, the wife is rebellious, argumentative and contentious, brings shame to her husband, dresses provocatively to attract other men, flirts, demands rights, withholds herself sexually, etc the marriage cannot succeed however Christlike the husband is.
In the case of an unbelieving husband or wife, 1 Corinthians 7:10-17 states:
10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.
11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.
13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
17 But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches. (NKJ)
We must therefore assume that barring a situation in which The Lord has expressly permitted divorce for the reasons discussed previously, it is possible for a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever to succeed if the same principles set out above are applied. If the marriage does not succeed because the unbelieving spouse will not respond to the love of God shed abroad in the believing spouses heart, then, as set out in the passage from 1 Peter 2 to 4 above, the believing spouse will store up treasure in heaven by their submission to the Word of God. Eventually, should The Lord decide to end the marriage He will often end the marriage by taking the unbelieving spouse out of the marriage.
In such situations there are many more scriptures and scriptural principles that apply.
However, the first step is a decision!
People in such circumstances face a fork in the road. One road leads to perdition and destruction, the other is Jesus' way.
In every case, the spouse who has not turned away from the marriage must first decide whether they are prepared to go The Lord's way. Then the other spouse must make the same decision.
If both decide to do what is right then they will both need considerable counselling and prayer UNDER PROPHETIC MINISTERS in order to deal with the underlying issues and to come into line with the word of God in their marriage and their ministry.
1 Peter 2:11-4:19
11 Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul,
12 having your conduct honourable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation.
13 Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, whether to the king as supreme,
14 or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good.
15 For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men--
16 as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of God.
17 Honour all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king.
18 Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh.
19 For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully.
20 For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.
21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps:
22 "Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth";
23 who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously;
24 who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness-- by whose stripes you were healed.
25 For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
CHAPTER 3
1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,
2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward-- arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel--
4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,
6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
8 Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;
9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.
10 For "He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit.
11 Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."
13 And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good?
14 But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you are blessed. "And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled."
15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear;
16 having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed.
17 For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.
18 For Christ also suffered once for sins, the just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive by the Spirit,
19 by whom also He went and preached to the spirits in prison,
20 who formerly were disobedient, when once the Divine longsuffering waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was being prepared, in which a few, that is, eight souls, were saved through water.
21 There is also an antitype which now saves us-- baptism (not the removal of the filth of the flesh, but the answer of a good conscience toward God), through the resurrection of Jesus Christ,
22 who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, angels and authorities and powers having been made subject to Him.
CHAPTER 4
1 Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin,
2 that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God.
3 For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles-- when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries.
4 In regard to these, they think it strange that you do not run with them in the same flood of dissipation, speaking evil of you.
5 They will give an account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead.
6 For this reason the gospel was preached also to those who are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit.
7 But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers.
8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for "love will cover a multitude of sins."
9 Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.
10 As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
11 If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
12 Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you;
13 but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.
14 If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. On their part He is blasphemed, but on your part He is glorified.
15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busybody in other people's matters.
16 Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter.
17 For the time has come for judgment to begin at the house of God; and if it begins with us first, what will be the end of those who do not obey the gospel of God?
18 Now "If the righteous one is scarcely saved, where will the ungodly and the sinner appear?"
19 Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator. (NKJ)
Deuteronomy 22:13-30 states:
13 "If any man takes a wife, and goes in to her, and detests her,
14 "and charges her with shameful conduct, and brings a bad name on her, and says, 'I took this woman, and when I came to her I found she was not a virgin,'
15 "then the father and mother of the young woman shall take and bring out the evidence of the young woman's virginity to the elders of the city at the gate.
16 "And the young woman's father shall say to the elders, 'I gave my daughter to this man as wife, and he detests her;
17 'now he has charged her with shameful conduct, saying, "I found your daughter was not a virgin," and yet these are the evidences of my daughter's virginity.' And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city.
18 "Then the elders of that city shall take that man and punish him;
19 "and they shall fine him one hundred shekels of silver and give them to the father of the young woman, because he has brought a bad name on a virgin of Israel. And she shall be his wife; he cannot divorce her all his days.
20 "But if the thing is true, and evidences of virginity are not found for the young woman,
21 "then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones, because she has done a disgraceful thing in Israel, to play the harlot in her father's house; so you shall put away the evil from among you.
22 "If a man is found lying with a woman married to a husband, then both of them shall die-- the man that lay with the woman, and the woman; so you shall put away the evil from Israel.
23 "If a young woman who is a virgin is betrothed to a husband, and a man finds her in the city and lies with her,
24 "then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones, the young woman because she did not cry out in the city, and the man because he humbled his neighbour's wife; so you shall put away the evil from among you.
25 "But if a man finds a betrothed young woman in the countryside, and the man forces her and lies with her, then only the man who lay with her shall die.
26 "But you shall do nothing to the young woman; there is in the young woman no sin deserving of death, for just as when a man rises against his neighbour and kills him, even so is this matter.
27 "For he found her in the countryside, and the betrothed young woman cried out, but there was no one to save her.
28 "If a man finds a young woman who is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are found out,
29 "then the man who lay with her shall give to the young woman's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days.
30 "A man shall not take his father's wife, nor uncover his father's bed. (NKJ)
Verses 13 to 21 clearly indicate that if a woman is not a virgin on her wedding day she is a harlot and worthy of death. Revelation 21:8 clearly states that such people will have a part in the second death "But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death." (NKJ) 1 Corinthians 6:9 states that such people will not inherit the kingdom of God. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, (NKJ)
Furthermore, careful consideration of Deuteronomy 22:13 to 21 indicates that the act of taking a woman's virginity IS THE ACT OF MARRIAGE, Deuteronomy 22 verses 28 to 29 (cited above) confirm this as does Exodus 22:16 "If a man entices a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall surely pay the bride-price for her to be his wife."
In simple terms scripture defines a number of distinct sexual and spiritual states for a woman, a virgin (a woman who has not had sexual intercourse), a married woman (one who has had sexual intercourse with ONE man), a harlot or adulteress (a woman who has had sexual intercourse with MORE THAN ONE man) and a widow (seemingly includes a woman divorced in the sight of God but there is no explicit scripture to back this up).
There is NO provision in scripture for marriage to take the form of "vows in church" or the "exchange of rings" or any of the other traditions that are prevalent today. There IS historical information to indicate that the present form of marriage ceremony has pagan roots and was only instituted about 500 years ago. However, in the intervening period the church has come to believe that the act of an official "marriage ceremony" officiated over by a pastor or "priest" has greater substance than the act of taking a woman in marriage by taking her virginity as set out in the above scriptures. This has led to a situation where many in the church actually believe that there is such a thing as "sex before marriage" and then use Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (KJV) in the context of marriage.
The word cleave clearly relates to the word "cleaver" as in "meat cleaver" something which forcibly cuts meat, a "cleft" in a rock, the "plane of cleavage" in a crystal, etc. "Cleave" in Genesis 2:24 clearly relates to the act of sexual intercourse, the man cleaves = cut's into, his wife. Study of the Hebrew reveals that "cleave" or "cut" (as in Genesis 15:10 where God cut covenant with Abram) has the same root as "covenant" and so we learn that the act of a man cleaving (cutting) into the flesh of his virgin wife IS THE ACT OF THE MARRIAGE COVENANT and the blood of her virginity is the BLOOD OF THE MARRIAGE COVENANT.
We thus see that virginity is ABSOLUTELY HOLY AND SACRED!
In addition, Genesis 2:24 states that when a man cleaves into a woman they will become "one flesh". Matthew 19:5-6 in the Amplified Bible states "And said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be united (joined inseparably) to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder (separate)." (AMP)
It is particularly important to note the amplification "joined inseparably" in the above passage. Taken together with the phrase "let not man put asunder" this starts to reveal the full extent of the one flesh bond as an unbreakable spiritual bond granted by God in order to bind husband and wife together. As the bond intensifies through repeated sexual intercourse, so will love also intensify if both parties give themselves to one another in accordance with scripture. "Making love" is indeed just that! 1 Corinthians 6, quoted below, clearly reveals that multiple one flesh bonds can coexist. Matthew 19:5-6 clearly indicates that the one flesh bond cannot be broken by man.
Even if a woman is not a virgin but is a harlot the man who lies with her STILL BECOMES ONE FLESH WITH HER - 1 Corinthians 6:15-20:
15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not!
16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For "the two," He says, "shall become one flesh."
17 But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.
18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.
19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?
20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's. (NKJ)
We thus see that every time a man has sexual intercourse with a woman he becomes IRREVERSIBLY (barring an act of Grace on the part of The Lord) part of her. This is a spiritual bond which is NOT broken by repentance, it is a cord of spiritual iron which binds that man and woman together for LIFE! For a woman to have more than one, one flesh bond is adultery and fornication and is an abomination in the sight of God. Where a woman is truly divorced for Godly reasons OR has truly repented of her adultery and fornication, it is possible to pray to the Father, in the name of the Son, Jesus Christ, for the one flesh bonds to be severed and her virginity to be spiritually restored in order that she may remarry. This should preferably take place through the ministry of a prophet. The key requirement is humble petition for mercy and grace, acknowledging the sin that brought about the one flesh bond and asking for it to be severed. This prayer will only be answered if prayed humbly and sincerely and if the person offering the prayer has a solid scriptural basis to offer it. In general this prayer should be prayed with someone praying in agreement.
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